Book Review by Colette SanFelice
The title of this book is misleading in my opinion as it focuses more on overall self-control as a parent and dealing with our own anxiety as parents and how that might come out while parenting and specifically dealing with an argument or disagreement.
"Kids want collected, levelheaded parents. Your kids want you to remain unflappable, even when they flip out".
Throughout this book the author points out ways for us parents to stop orbiting around our children and focus on ourselves instead. "The greatest thing you can do for your children is to focus on yourself". The author points out that by focusing on yourself you will have a happier family. The only way to retain a position of influence with our children is to regain a position of control of ourselves.
I felt this book did a good job of explaining how important it is to let your children make their own choices...as difficult as that may be at times. The author states, "What you want is for your kids to approach you and share their lives with you. When you overreact to the information they disclose, you send mixed signals".
I felt Chapter 6 does a great job of highlighting dealing with resistance. "Be the first to bow to your children. Not out of deference but out of respect and gratitude". The book also speaks a lot about the importance of boundaries and everyone in the family having their own space.
Chapter 10 speaks a lot about communication and the importance of consistency. "It comes down to integrity; meaning what you say, saying what you mean, and following through with what you promise".
This book offers many follow-up questions at the end of the chapters that are helpful in reflection as well as some exercises to focus on our own emotional reactivity. There are also stories of families' personal struggles.
I would recommend the book; it seems it would be helpful for parents with toddlers all the way up. It would certainly be worth a parents’ time to read this book.