Betrayal, Denial, and Love

Use these materials to go deeper into this message on your own, or with your small group. 
Passage Breakdowns, SOAPS Format & Instructions (Weeks 1-12)
Passage Breakdowns, SOAPS Format & Instructions (Weeks 13-26)

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8:40 Service | 10:00 Service | 11:20 Service | Sermon Audio

Good morning Chapel family. As we continue our study of John, we’ve now come to the final day before the cross. It’s Thursday night; in just a few hours, Jesus will be arrested. He and his followers are in a rented upstairs room in Jerusalem, sharing the Passover meal. In the message that Pastor Paul brought last week, we looked at the shocking thing Jesus did during that meal, when he washed the dirty feet of his disciples. And now, for the next 4½ chapters—the rest of John 13, and then 14, 15, 16, and 17, time slows down. Because those chapters are all about what happens in those remaining few hours before the arrest. This part of John is known as “The Upper Room Discourse,” because it’s Jesus’s words to his disciples in that upper room. He knows he’s about to leave, and he’s getting them ready.

So…what’s the first thing he tells them? Here it is: they need to learn how to love. If they’re going to accurately represent their leader and continue his mission, they need to learn how to love. And for more reasons than you even realize, you need to learn how to love. So let’s lean in and listen. John chapter 13, starting in verse 18. This is Jesus speaking…

18 “I am not referring to all of you; I know those I have chosen. But this is to fulfill this passage of Scripture: ‘He who shared my bread has turned against me.’

19 “I am telling you now before it happens, so that when it does happen you will believe that I am who I am. 20 Very truly I tell you, whoever accepts anyone I send accepts me; and whoever accepts me accepts the one who sent me.”

21 After he had said this, Jesus was troubled in spirit and testified, “Very truly I tell you, one of you is going to betray me.”

22 His disciples stared at one another, at a loss to know which of them he meant. 23 One of them, the disciple whom Jesus loved, was reclining next to him. 24 Simon Peter motioned to this disciple and said, “Ask him which one he means.”

25 Leaning back against Jesus, he asked him, “Lord, who is it?”

26 Jesus answered, “It is the one to whom I will give this piece of bread when I have dipped it in the dish.” Then, dipping the piece of bread, he gave it to Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot. 27 As soon as Judas took the bread, Satan entered into him.

So Jesus told him, “What you are about to do, do quickly.” 28 But no one at the meal understood why Jesus said this to him. 29 Since Judas had charge of the money, some thought Jesus was telling him to buy what was needed for the festival, or to give something to the poor. 30 As soon as Judas had taken the bread, he went out. And it was night.

31 When he was gone, Jesus said, “Now the Son of Man is glorified and God is glorified in him. 32 If God is glorified in him, God will glorify the Son in himself, and will glorify him at once.
33 “My children, I will be with you only a little longer. You will look for me, and just as I told the Jews, so I tell you now: Where I am going, you cannot come.

34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
36 Simon Peter asked him, “Lord, where are you going?”

Jesus replied, “Where I am going, you cannot follow now, but you will follow later.”

37 Peter asked, “Lord, why can’t I follow you now? I will lay down my life for you.”
38 Then Jesus answered, “Will you really lay down your life for me? Very truly I tell you, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times! This is the Word of the Lord.
We need to learn how to love. So let’s talk first about The Counterfeits of Love. Jesus’ commandment to love is flanked on both sides by bad examples of love. I see three of them:
First, proximity. As Jesus and the twelve recline around that table, Jesus says that troubling thing: “One of you is going to betray me.” Peter gets the attention of John, who’s sitting right next to Jesus: “Ask him who he’s talking about.” So John leans back toward Jesus: “Lord, who is it?” Jesus says, “It’s the one I give this bread to after I dip it in the dish.” John’s the only one who hears that. Jesus dips a piece of bread into the olive oil and hands it to Judas. And it says at that point, Satan enters into him—which doesn’t remove Judas’ culpability; it just reminds us that Satan is ready to work with anyone who’s willing, and Judas was willing. Jesus says, “What you’re about to do, do quickly.” And Judas slips out into the night.

You know why this is so chilling? For the past three years, Judas has been part of the inner circle of Jesus. He has traveled around with Jesus; he’s listened to the teaching of Jesus; he’s actually been entrusted with handling the money—he’s the treasurer! To anyone who looked at the disciples from the outside, Judas is one of them. And yet…he’s not. He never was. He was there physically, but his heart was never there. He was with Jesus, but he never loved Jesus. Because here’s the truth: just because you’re physically with someone—just because you share space with them—doesn’t necessarily mean you love them.

Just because you share a home with someone doesn’t mean you love them.
Just because you share a bed with someone doesn’t mean you love them.
Just because you share a business partnership with someone doesn’t mean you love them.
Just because you share a church affiliation with someone doesn’t mean you love them.

Because proximity does not equal love. And Judas is the perfect example.

Here’s the second counterfeit love: words. Words. After Judas leaves, Jesus says in verse 33: “I will be with you only a little longer. Where I’m going, you cannot come.” He’s talking about the fact that he’s about to die, and then rise again and rejoin his Father in heaven. But the disciples don’t understand that. And Peter speaks up: “Lord, where are you going?” Jesus says, “You can’t follow me now, but you will follow later.” And then Peter makes this bold declaration—verse 37: “Lord, why can’t I follow you now? I will lay down my life for you.” Those are some impressive words! Aren’t they? Words of fierce loyalty and commitment. And Jesus sees right through it. Verse 38: Will you really lay down your life for me? Very truly I tell you, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times! Because talk is cheap.
Just because you tell someone you love them doesn’t mean you do.
Just because you spoke beautiful wedding vows doesn’t mean you’ll keep them.
Just because you can write poetic birthday cards and make eloquent anniversary speeches with no help from Chat GPT doesn’t mean you love.
Just because you tell your friends you’ll always be there for them doesn’t mean you will.
Because words don’t equal love. Peter is a great example.

And let’s stick with Peter, because he also shows us the third counterfeit love: emotions. When Peter spoke those words, do you think he really felt them? I do. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had tears in his eyes: “Lord, I will lay down my life for you.” Sometimes we give people a hard time because they’re stoic and emotionless. And we tell them, “You need to learn to express how you feel!” Peter did not have that problem. When he spoke those words, he was feeling it!
But just because you feel strongly toward someone, doesn’t mean you love them.
Just because you get choked up when you hear the music that reminds you of that person doesn’t mean you love them.

Just because you cry easily when you think about that person doesn’t mean you love them.
This one is so important. Because our culture talks about falling in love and falling out of love with someone, as if we are passive victims of whatever our feelings dictate. But love is not defined by warm feelings. Sometimes love brings warm feelings, but love is not a feeling.
So in that upper room that night, in Judas and in Peter, we see vivid examples of what love is not: it’s not proximity; it’s not words; and it’s not feelings. Have you been calling something love that’s really not love? Jesus was calling them, and he’s calling us, to something more pure. Let’s talk about that:

The Commandment to Love. Look at verse 34—Jesus says: A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. In a sense, that’s not a new command at all. Leviticus 19:18 says, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” It’s a very old command. But here’s the new part: as I have loved you, so you must love one another. The reason it’s a new command is that now, Jesus himself is the standard. That raises it to a whole new level.
You know, all of us grew up watching examples of how to treat people. You had a dad who treated your mom in a certain way; you had parents who treated you a certain way. Like: how do you respond when someone eats the ice cream you were saving for yourself? Is there a blowup? Is there the silent treatment? Is there a fistfight? Is there a silent plotting of revenge? Or, when people in the house are together, how much do they actually talk, versus everyone being on their screens? All that stuff. Some of you saw some pretty decent examples; for some of you, it was pretty scary. But the point is, we cannot help but be influenced by those examples. So here’s what Jesus is saying: look beyond all the imperfect examples you’ve seen, and look to me. Watch the way I treated people, and make that your example.

So based on the example of Jesus, let me propose a simple definition of love. Are you ready? Here it is: Love is the loyal, sacrificial pursuit of another person’s well-being. Love is the loyal, sacrificial pursuit of another person’s well-being. Let’s break that down.

First, love is loyal. Judas and Peter were great examples of disloyalty. And Jesus is saying, “Don’t look at them; look at me. Watch the way I stick with people and don’t give up on people.” Including, by the way, Peter—who Jesus stuck with, even after Peter was so disloyal to him. Think about your relationships for a minute. Have you given up on somebody too easily? Or is there a pattern in your life of serial relationships—where you never have the same friends for long? Do your family members know that no matter what they ever do, you’ll always be there for them? What would it mean for you to be more loyal in the way you love?

Love is also sacrificial. When Jesus gives this command, what has he just finished doing? Washing their feet. Which was normally the job of a servant. And yet Jesus—the highest ranking person in the room—acted like a servant. And he even did it for the one he knew would betray him, and the one he knew would deny him. He sacrificed his comfort and his status and reputation; and the next day he would sacrifice everything on the cross. And then he says, “Love each other like that.”

When your wife had a hard day at work; when your son needs help studying; when your friend just had a miscarriage, what does loving that person mean? It means sacrificing your time, your convenience, what you’d rather do at the moment; it means sacrificing your comfort zone, because you feel a little awkward and unsure of what to say sometimes. I like comfort and control…and God is teaching me to sacrifice those things for the sake of love—just like Jesus did for me.

And then third, when I look at Jesus, I see pursuit. Do you know how rabbis normally gained disciples? They would wait for someone to come up to them, and then they would consider taking that person on as a disciple. You know how Jesus did it? Completely opposite. He went up to people and said, what? “Follow me.” Totally different approach! In other words, Jesus took the initiative. He pursued. Because love doesn’t wait around; it acts.

When I was a college student, trying to figure out what I believed, I met some upperclassmen who were leaders in my fraternity, and were also Christians. And when they realized there was a spark of interest in me—even though I was struggling, they could see I was interested—they didn’t sit back and wait for me to come to them. They called me. They knocked on my dorm room door. They invited me to things—not only Christian gatherings, but also social things. The made it their business to pursue me. That was love. And God used that to change my life. What would it mean for you to become less passive and pursue the people God has put in your life?
Love is not just sharing the same space, or speaking the right words, or feeling deep feelings. Love is the loyal, sacrificial pursuit of another person’s well-being. That’s how Jesus lived, and that’s what he calls us to.

I don’t speak Italian, but there’s an Italian phrase I love: ti voglio bene. It’s usually translated, “I love you.” But it literally means, “I desire your good.” Isn’t that perfect? Ti voglio bene! Would you say that with me? Ti voglio bene! I desire your good. I may or may not feel warm feelings toward you right now; in fact, I might even be annoyed with you right now; but I desire your good. And I will choose to loyally, sacrificially pursue your well-being. Ti voglio bene. Jesus says, “That’s what I’m commanding you to do. Follow my example. In the power of my Spirit. Love one another.”

And as you do that, something so important will happen—last point: The Consequences of Love. John 13:35… By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. How do people know you’re a Nike person? Because they see the “swoosh” on your clothing. How do people know you’re an iPhone person? Because you just paid $1,500 for your phone. No—because you have the iconic apple with a bite taken out of it. How do people know that someone is a disciple of Jesus? According to Jesus himself, it’s by seeing how much we love. That’s Jesus’s “brand identity.” Not doctrinal correctness; not truth. As important as those things are, Jesus says, “The thing that will show people you truly follow me is the way you love.”  
During the first and second centuries, there were several epidemics that wiped out thousands of people in the Roman Empire. The people who had financial means would normally flee the city—where the disease was concentrated—and go live in the countryside. You know who didn’t run away? This weird new group of people called “Christians.” They intentionally stayed behind and cared for the sick, at great risk to themselves. And by this, everyone knew they were disciples of Jesus. It’s one of the reasons the early church continued to grow, and church history is filled with examples just like that.

When you go home today, if you share a home with other people, love the people in your home. Care about their lives and listen to them and serve them and support them and sacrifice your convenience for them. They might be shocked. By this, everyone will know you’re my disciples.

Love your friends. Take the initiative. There was a recent New York Times article called “The Secret Power of the 8-Minute Phone Call.” It was referring to a recent Harvard study on loneliness—listen to what they found: when people received a few 8-minute phone calls per week, their levels of depression, loneliness and anxiety were “rapidly reduced.” An 8-minute phone call! Anybody not have time for that? So call your friends. Call your mother. By this, everyone will know you’re my disciples.

As a church, we have so many opportunities to love. There was recently a single mom from The Chapel who was homeless. Our Benevolence Committee heard about her situation; we helped her find a place to live, and we agreed to pay her first several months of rent directly to the apartment complex. The apartment manager called us, confused: “What kind of church are you? Why are you doing this?” And when we explained, he said, “This is the best thing I’ve heard in a long time.” By this everyone will know you’re my disciples.

A couple of years ago there was another Chapel woman who was sent to prison for about a year. It would have been so easy to forget about her…but they didn’t. The entire time, her small group visited her and put together care packages and sent her cards—for the whole year! And when she got out, they welcomed her back with open arms. By this everyone will know you’re my disciples.

We’ve all heard about the growth of artificial intelligence, and how it’s going to transform the world, and make life much easier, and save us so much work. But you know what AI will never do? Love. The main thing we need, AI is powerless to provide. So here’s the call for us as the church: as this world becomes more artificial, we need to become more real. We need to show this world the real, human, messy, beauty of love. That’s how they’ll know we are his disciples.
Andy Crouch, the author, tells the story about his good friend, David. David was a husband and a father and an internationally celebrated photographer, but at 48 years old his body was riddled with cancer and he didn’t have much time left. And Crouch writes about gathering in David’s bedroom with a group of close family and Christian brothers and sisters. His brother brought a guitar and several nights in a row they gathered around the bed and sang the song “10,000 Reasons”—a song of worship. Crouch said, “It was one of the hardest places I have ever been. It was one of the most holy places I have ever been. It was one of the best places I have ever been.”

And then he says this: “We are meant to build this kind of life together: the kind of life that, at the end, is completely dependent upon one another… We are meant to die in one another's arms, surrounded by prayer and song, knowing beyond knowing that we are loved… Why not begin living that life, together, now?”