Jacob's Family
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Series Overview
3-Question Bible Study
Good morning Chapel family. We’re taking the month of August to focus on the life of Jacob. Jacob’s grandfather was Abraham, and back in Genesis 12, God made an amazing promise to Abraham. He took him outside on a clear night, and he said, “Look up at the stars—that’s how numerous your descendants are going to be. I’m going to make a great nation out of you, and bless you, and all the nations of the earth will be blessed through you.” And then later, God made it clear that he was fulfilling that promise through Abraham’s son, Isaac. And then, God said the promise was being passed down from Isaac to Jacob. So Jacob’s descendants would be a great nation, and they’d be blessed by God in a special way. So it seems like Jacob had everything going for him.
Except for one thing: he had a serious character flaw. What was it? He was a deceiver. Early in life, he developed a personality that was sneaky and shifty and dishonest and manipulative. He knew how to shade the truth to get what he wanted. So he tricked his twin brother, Esau, out of his birthright as the firstborn, and out of his parental blessing; he tricked his father, Isaac, into giving him that blessing. And that deceitfulness caused so much chaos in his family that Jacob had to run for his life—he traveled on foot to go stay with his Uncle Laban.
On the way there, he had this amazing dream where he saw a ladder connecting heaven and earth, and in the dream God again reiterated his promise to bless Jacob and make a great nation out of him. So Jacob woke up from the dream, and continued his journey to Uncle Laban’s house. And that’s where we’ll continue the story today.
So why does this matter for us? Well, because we are all Jacob. All of us are the recipients of amazing promises that God makes to us, but at the same time, we all have character flaws. Your flaws might be different from Jacob’s, but you have them. And the story of Jacob is the story of how God works on our flaws and molds us into the people he wants us to be. So every week of this series, we have on the stage this original sculpture in various stages of development. The first week it was a formless lump of clay; last week it was starting to take shape, and today it’s even more defined. I can’t wait to see the finished product next week! But this is the story of Jacob, and therefore the story of us. So if we’re willing to stay on the wheel, and submit to the hands of the Potter, and believe that even when it’s painful the Potter is still good, he will change us in profound ways.
So in this next part of the story, we see God using a very interesting tool to continue molding Jacob. It’s a tool that he’ll probably use in your life, if he hasn’t already. So let’s set the scene—Genesis 29, beginning in verse 1. Let’s hear the Word of God…
1 Then Jacob continued on his journey and came to the land of the eastern peoples. 2 There he saw a well in the open country, with three flocks of sheep lying near it because the flocks were watered from that well. The stone over the mouth of the well was large. 3 When all the flocks were gathered there, the shepherds would roll the stone away from the well’s mouth and water the sheep. Then they would return the stone to its place over the mouth of the well.
4 Jacob asked the shepherds, “My brothers, where are you from?”
“We’re from Harran,” they replied.
5 He said to them, “Do you know Laban, Nahor’s grandson?”
“Yes, we know him,” they answered.
6 Then Jacob asked them, “Is he well?”
“Yes, he is,” they said, “and here comes his daughter Rachel with the sheep.”
7 “Look,” he said, “the sun is still high; it is not time for the flocks to be gathered. Water the sheep and take them back to pasture.”
8 “We can’t,” they replied, “until all the flocks are gathered and the stone has been rolled away from the mouth of the well. Then we will water the sheep.”
9 While he was still talking with them, Rachel came with her father’s sheep, for she was a shepherd. 10 When Jacob saw Rachel daughter of his uncle Laban, and Laban’s sheep, he went over and rolled the stone away from the mouth of the well and watered his uncle’s sheep. 11 Then Jacob kissed Rachel and began to weep aloud. 12 He had told Rachel that he was a relative of her father and a son of Rebekah. So she ran and told her father.
13 As soon as Laban heard the news about Jacob, his sister’s son, he hurried to meet him. He embraced him and kissed him and brought him to his home, and there Jacob told him all these things. 14a Then Laban said to him, “You are my own flesh and blood.” This is the Word of the Lord.
So Jacob arrives in Harran, he stops at a well, he finds out the local shepherds know his Uncle Laban. And then here comes this lovely young shepherd girl named Rachel. And even though it usually takes a group of men to move the heavy stone that covers the well, after seeing Rachel, Jacob is so fired up, he rolls the stone away all by himself. He gives Rachel’s sheep a drink. He kisses Rachel, which is not a romantic thing at this point; it’s just a family greeting. He breaks into tears because after a four-week journey all alone on foot, he can hardly believe he’s arrived and it really seems like God has directed his steps—and maybe this is his future wife! Rachel runs home to tell her father, Laban. Laban comes out and warmly welcomes Jacob to his home. This Uncle Laban seems like a really nice guy, doesn’t he? Just wait.
Little does Jacob know, this is the beginning of twenty years he’s going to spend in Laban’s home. And they’re going to be hard years. Some joyful things, but a lot of painful things. And the reason it’s so painful is this: in Laban, Jacob encounters an even worse version of himself. It turns out that Laban is even more tricky and more manipulative than Jacob, if you can believe that. Laban out-Jacobs Jacob! And God uses that experience to hold a mirror up to Jacob: “This is what you look like. This is what it’s like to be around you! Now, let the ugliness of that reality motivate you to change.” I have found that God often does the same thing for us—there are moments in life when he holds up a mirror, and lets us see ourselves clearly, and that can be so painful! But the way we respond is so important.
So today I want to talk about two things: God’s Mirror, and Our Response. God’s mirror, and our response. And then we’ll close by receiving communion together.
So, first: God’s Mirror. Over the next twenty years, Jacob experiences multiple instances of seeing his own character reflected in Laban. Let’s divide them into four scenes.
The first scene, I’m going to call Deception. Let’s continue the story in Genesis 29:14…14b After Jacob had stayed with him for a whole month, 15 Laban said to him, “Just because you are a relative of mine, should you work for me for nothing? Tell me what your wages should be.”
16 Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. 17 Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel had a lovely figure and was beautiful. 18 Jacob was in love with Rachel and said, “I’ll work for you seven years in return for your younger daughter Rachel.” In
ancient cultures, there was normally a bride price that the young man would have to pay the father of the bride in order to marry her. And since Jacob didn’t have any money, those seven years of labor would be counted as the bride price.
Verse 19—19 Laban said, “It’s better that I give her to you than to some other man. Stay here with me.” And here’s one of the most romantic verses in the Bible: 20 So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her. Ahh.
21 Then Jacob said to Laban, “Give me my wife. My time is completed, and I want to make love to her.”
22 So Laban brought together all the people of the place and gave a feast. 23 But when evening came, he took his daughter Leah and brought her to Jacob, and Jacob made love to her. 24 And Laban gave his servant Zilpah to his daughter as her attendant. Wait a minute, how did Jacob not know? Well, because it was late at night and probably very dark—no lights back then. Leah was probably wearing a veil. And after a full day of feasting and wine drinking, Jacob’s perception was definitely not full strength. So he sleeps with Leah, thinking it’s Rachel.
And the next verse is one of the most understated verses in the Bible—25 When morning came, there was Leah! Can you imagine Jacob waking up. And a smile comes to his face as he remembers the night before, and he tenderly looks over at the woman he had dreamed about every day for seven years…and it’s the wrong girl! So Jacob said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn’t I? Why have you deceived me?”
26 Laban replied, “It is not our custom here to give the younger daughter in marriage before the older one. (Are you kidding me? That’s your answer??) 27 Finish this daughter’s bridal week; then we will give you the younger one also, in return for another seven years of work.”
Can you imagine the feelings of betrayal and hurt and embarrassment and rage? Jacob was now legally married to Leah, and the marriage had been consummated, so there was no reversing it. The trickster had been tricked. And at this point, Jacob really doesn’t have a choice. He finishes the bridal week with Leah—sort of like a honeymoon. And then Laban actually lets him marry Rachel right away, but he has to promise to work for Laban for seven more years. And by the way, just like Leah came with a servant, named Zilpah, Rachel also comes with a servant, named Bilhah. So one week earlier Jacob had been single; now he’s got two wives and two built-in servants.
Look again at what Jacob says to Laban in verse 25: Why have you deceived me? Is that not rich? Is that not ironic? Jacob the deceiver, who’s torn apart his family by his deceitful ways, is so indignant that Laban has deceived him. And I don’t know if he realized it at the time, but God was holding up a mirror: “Do you see how it feels? This is how Esau felt when you deceived him. Do you see it now?”
Now: in case you’re wondering, the Bible is clear from the very beginning—from Adam and Eve—that God’s design for marriage is one man and one woman. So when some ancient Israelites practiced polygamy—which they learned from other nations—God tolerated it, but it was never his will. And we’re about to see what can happen when you go against God’s design…
Next scene: Division. There is so much text here, so I’m going to summarize what happens. Rachel—the favored wife, can’t seem to get pregnant. But Leah does—and she has four sons in a row: Reuben, Simeon, Levi, and Judah. How do you think Rachel’s feeling? Not happy. So out of desperation, she takes her servant girl, Bilhah, and she says to Jacob, “Sleep with her, so she can have children for me.” In that culture, if your servant had children with your husband, the children were counted as yours. So
Bilhah gets pregnant, and she has two sons in a row: Dan and Naphtali—which are counted as Rachel’s children, so she’s feeling a little better.
Now Leah can’t get pregnant, so she gives her servant, Zilpah, to Jacob—and Zilpah has two sons, Gad and Asher. Then Leah’s fertility returnsd; she has two sons named Issachar and Zebulun, and a daughter named Dinah (poor girl). And finally, after all that, Rachel gets pregnant for the first time, and she has a son named Joseph.
So…twelve kids; one father; four different mothers. What do you think the shalom level was like in that house? It was chaos. In that culture, having children—especially sons—was so important. It was considered a sign of God’s blessing. So Rachel was desperate to have children; Leah was desperate for her husband to love her. Jacob’s house was filled with jealousy and rivalry; Jacob could not have been sleeping well. And all of that was caused by the deception of his father-in-law.
(Hold up mirror)—Here’s what a family built on deception looks like, Jacob. How’s that feeling?
Scene number 3: Distrust. So after Jacob has put in his 14 years of labor for his father-in-law, he approaches Laban and says, “It’s time for me to go.” And Laban says, “No, no, no! Stay and work for me some more! Name your wages.” So Jacob says, “I’ll tell you what: I’ll keep watching all your flocks—all your sheep and goats. The only thing you have to give me is all the animals that are spotted or speckled. So any time new animals are born, the solid-colored ones stay with you; the spotted ones become mine.” Laban agrees to the deal, but then he secretly goes and removes all the spotted ones from the flock and hides them. So once again, trickery. Meanwhile, Jacob uses a strange selective breeding method to try to increase the chance of spotted sheep being born—I’ll let you read that on your own in chapter 30. It’s really just a superstitious thing that doesn’t make scientific sense, but because God is with Jacob, tons of spotted sheep are born. So as the years go by, Jacob becomes a wealthy man by acquiring massive flocks. And Laban is watching this, thinking, “How is this happening?” And the suspicion and distrust between Jacob and Laban grows deep.
(Hold up mirror)—Jacob, this is what deceptive business deals lead to. How does it feel?
Fourth and final scene: Distance. Chapter 31 starts out like this: 1 Jacob heard that Laban’s sons were saying, “Jacob has taken everything our father owned and has gained all this wealth from what belonged to our father.” 2 And Jacob noticed that Laban’s attitude toward him was not what it had been.
3 Then the LORD said to Jacob, “Go back to the land of your fathers and to your relatives, and I will be with you.”
So while Laban is out in the fields sheering his sheep, Jacob gathers his wives and his children and all his flocks, and they begin the journey back toward his homeland. Two days later somebody tells Laban, “Hey—Jacob and his entire family have left.” Laban is furious. He gathers a group of relatives, and they go after them. Seven days later they catch up with them, and there’s this epic confrontation between father-in-law and son-in-law. Laban says, “I can’t believe you did this! You took my daughters and my grandkids without even saying goodbye.” And he makes some other accusations, and Jacob accuses him back. And it becomes so obvious that the trust between these two men is utterly destroyed.
So they do something very ceremonial and very sad. They put up a stone pillar and a pile of rocks. And they say, “These rocks will be a witness between us, that I will never cross this line to come close to you, and you’ll never cross this line to come close to me.” They both agree to the deal; they have a
ceremonial meal together; Laban kisses his daughters and his grandkids goodbye, the two groups go their separate ways. Isn’t that sad? Families and in-laws are meant to live with trust and love. But Laban’s deceptive ways have ultimately led to a permanent division in this family.
And through all this, God was holding a mirror up to Jacob: “Jacob, look. If you keep living the way you’ve been living, this is where it will lead: deception, division, distrust, and ultimately distance.” Which is all really depressing.
Have you ever had that experience? Where you get an opportunity to see the way you look to other people? It’s really God’s grace to us when we get those glimpses. And those are critical moments, because the way we respond makes a huge difference in who we become.
Which leads to the second main point: Our Response. When I watch Jacob over those twenty years with Laban, you know what I see? I see a man who’s getting a glimpse of his worse qualities in Laban, and I see Jacob responding to that really well. I think he’s repulsed by what he sees in Laban. And you can see him changing and growing in this season of his life. It’s a hard season of Jacob’s life—hard labor, hard family life—so God has him on the wheel. And you can see him being molded. He doesn’t go back at Laban with more deception. He speaks honestly. Several times, he gives God the credit for all the blessings he’s received. We are watching Jacob grow more godly right before our eyes, because God us holding up a mirror, and Jacob has the wisdom to repent.
So…how about you? Has God been holding up a mirror and giving you a glimpse of yourself?
I had one of those mirror moments when our kids were growing up. When one of my sons was a teenager (I’m not going to tell you which one), one evening he snuck a girl into his bedroom through the back window. (Oh yeah—that’s not just your family; that happens in pastor’s’ family too). And we caught them, so the girl was returned to her family and our son was grounded. And I remember lying in bed that night feeling like a failure as a parent, and feeling betrayed by my son, and then it hit me: when I was a teenager, I did stuff just like that! I was just as deceptive toward my parents! So God held that mirror up to me, and I’ll be honest: there was a temptation to say, “That was different. I would never do what he did to me! This is much worse!” But it wasn’t worse, and I knew it. And that realization humbled me, and it gave me increased appreciation for my parents, and it gave me perspective when I talked to my son the next day. He was still grounded! But I was a little less self-righteous and a little more merciful in my approach. Because God had held up a mirror, and I had the wisdom to look.
Parents, look for those mirrors. I often hear parents criticizing how much the younger generation is on their cell phones: “These kids don’t even know how to have a normal conversation—they’re always glued to their phones!” Okay, but parents—how much are you staring at your phone? How often are you not really present with your family, because you’ve always got the phone out. Look in the mirror.
I experienced a mirror moment a few years ago in my job here at The Chapel. Several of us were put through a 360 Analysis. If you’re in the business world, you might be familiar with that. It’s where you hire a consultant, and they get a bunch of your co-workers to anonymously fill out an assessment of what it’s like to work with you. And then you get a report, showing what your co-workers really think of you. Sounds scary, right? It is. So I got my report back, and lots of the comments were affirming. But not all of them. There were some critiques; there was some identifying of weak points. You know what my immediate response was? Just instinctively, I felt defensive. I tried to figure out which one my coworkers would say such an awful thing about me. So I was looking in the mirror, but I was trying to find reasons why the mirror wasn’t really accurate. And then, by God’s grace, over time, I started to
receive the feedback. And it was in incredible tool for growth. I know this is mixing metaphors, but God molded me through that mirror.
Proverbs 12:1 says Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but whoever hates correction is stupid. Don’t you love how blunt God’s Word can be? So if God gives me a glimpse of what I look like, and I resist it or deny it, I’m being stupid. I’m just hurting myself, and I’m continuing to hurt the people around me. So here’s God’s Word for you today: Don’t be stupid. Look in the mirror, and listen to what God is saying.
I love what Tim Keller said. He said when someone criticizes you, your first response should be, “You know, you might be right.” It’ll probably shock the person who brings the criticism. “You might be right.” And then, take some time to think about it. And here’s the other thing Keller said: even if 90% of the critique is wrong, look for the 10% kernel of truth. No matter what that person’s motive was, look for what God might be trying to tell you, and how he’s using that critique to hold up a mirror for you, and make you better. In other words, stay humble and teachable.
I’ve noticed something over the years. So many times, when you hear a sermon on a Sunday, that following week, if you’re paying attention, God will give you an opportunity to put it into practice. It’s almost scary how often that happens. So this week, it’s very likely that God is going to hold up a mirror to you. You’re going to be confronted with something about yourself, and you’re not going to like what you see. And you’re going to be tempted to respond with denial or defensiveness. When you feel that temptation, stop. Don’t be stupid. Have the courage to look straight into the mirror, and decide to use it as an opportunity to let God mold you.
See, we can’t change ourselves on a deep level. Only God can do that. We need to be humble and willing to change, but the change happens only by the power of God in us. And the only reason we have access to that power is because of the cross of Christ.
So we’re going to close our service by sharing communion together. Let’s prepare our hearts…