Self-Awareness

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Good morning Chapel family. We’re taking this fall to explore what Jesus meant when he said, “Seek first the kingdom of God.” So what does it mean to seek first the kingdom of God during election season? Well, it means that as you think about politics; as you talk about politics; as you vote; you do those things as a person whose heart doesn’t belong to any earthly kingdom—because your heart belongs to Christ. It means that you care—so you learn about the candidates; you study the issues; you vote your values; but like it says in Psalm 146, Do not put your trust in princes, in human beings, who cannot save. In other words, you make sure you don’t put too much confidence in any human leader, because there’s only one Leader who can bear the weight of your full trust, and his name is Jesus. So seeking God’s kingdom first changes the way we walk through election season in lots of different ways. 

So today I want to talk about something else that should be affected when we seek God’s kingdom first. And it’s this: How do we form opinions about other people? That’s really important during election season, right?—how do we form opinions of people with different political views. But it’s just as important when the election is over.  

So think for a minute: when you’re deciding what you think about someone, what’s the inner process you go through? The way you answer that question will, in many ways, determine the quality of your relationships—your friendships, your romantic relationships, your marriage if you’re married, your work relationships. How do you evaluate the people around you? It’s not a question of “if” you evaluate people—we all do. The question is how you do it. And the way you answer that question says a lot about your level of self-awareness.  

So let’s look at the passage—Matthew chapter 7, beginning in verse 1. Hear the Word of the Lord… 

1 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. 

3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. This is the Word of the Lord. 

So let’s talk first about The Definition of “Judging.” The definition of judging. This is one of those really well-known parts of the Sermon on the Mount—especially those first three words: Do not judge. That’s a pretty popular saying of Jesus, right? And you might be thinking, “Why do we need to define ‘judging’? Everyone knows what it means: just don’t judge people!” But it’s actually not that simple. I mean, if we really want to know what Jesus meant by this, it’s not that simple. Here’s why. 

If you go down just a few verses to Matthew 7:15, look what Jesus says: “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.” Wait a minute: how you decide that someone is a “false prophet”? Wouldn’t that be judging that person? But Jesus says we should know who they are, and we should watch out for them. So there’s apparently some kind of judging, or discerning, we’re supposed to do. 

Then look what he says in John 7:24… ”Stop judging by mere appearances, but instead judge correctly.” So apparently there are times we’re supposed to make judgments, as long as we do it in the right way. And we could point to other, similar teachings in the New Testament. 

So when Jesus said, “Do not judge,” he definitely didn’t mean that we should never make a judgment about anyone or anything in any way. So what did he mean? I believe he was talking about “uncalled-for criticism.” Criticizing someone in a way that’s uncalled-for. It’s unfair or unjustified. The person doesn’t really deserve the way we’re evaluating or judging them. In other words, this is a kind of judgment that is hyper-critical and condemning. When we label and dismiss someone quickly. That’s the kind of judging that Jesus is saying we shouldn’t do. 

Let’s get specific. Based on the immediate context of this passage and the broader context of Jesus’ teachings, I can think of three big ways that we judge in the way that Jesus says we shouldn’t judge. 

First, Rushing to judgment. You’re waiting in line at Shop Rite or Walmart. And it’s moving really slow. And the cashier seems incompetent or unmotivated. Ever been there? And you’re thinking, “This cashier doesn’t care.” Or worse yet, “This cashier is an idiot.” So you make your assessment—you make your judgment—without really knowing the facts. You don’t stop and say, “Maybe this cashier is having a really bad day. Maybe she just found out her son is on drugs; or her husband is cheating on her. Maybe this is her first day and she’s overwhelmed. Maybe she has a learning disability.” So you quickly judge someone and label them and write them off, without really knowing the situation. 

Pastor Chuck Swindoll was teaching at a conference, and on the first day he met a couple who seemed very nice and very happy to be there. About ten minutes into his first talk, he looked over at this couple, and the husband was sound asleep. That hurt his pride a little bit, as a speaker. But he let it go. The second night of the conference, same thing: the guy fell asleep right during the session. And the same thing on the last night. So by that time, Chuck was offended, and he decided this guy was coming only to please his wife, and he had no interest in God. So after that final session, the wife came up and asked if she should speak to Chuck for a minute. He assumed she would apologize for her husband, or ask for marriage counseling or something. And she said, “I just wanted you to know my husband has terminal cancer, and his final wish was to be at this conference—even though the pain meds make him drowsy. He wanted to be here to meet you and hear you, no matter what.” And Chuck Swindoll wrote, “I stood there, all alone, as deeply rebuked as I have ever been.” 

Rushing to judgment. Making up your mind about someone without taking the time to deeply understand their situation. When Jesus said, “Do not judge,” that’s what he was talking about. You think that could help during political season? 

Here’s another way we do it: Critical spirit. A critical spirit is when you see the worst in everyone. You don’t trust anyone. Nobody gets the benefit of the doubt. Or, you’re a person with strong opinions on how things should be done, and you’re happy to share those opinions with others. The wife who nitpicks her husband because he eats too fast. Or drives too fast. Or doesn’t wipe his feet enough when he comes into the house. The husband who critiques his wife because she spends too much money. Or she spends too many hours at the office. Or not enough hours at the gym. The mom or the dad who’s constantly criticizing the kids for their grades or their friends or their music or the way they’re always texting and don’t go outside a play enough.  

A critical spirit. There have been a few times during my marriage when Norma Jean has said these words to me—and these are hard words to hear: “I feel like I can’t win with you.” Wow. That’s when I know I’ve been treating her with a critical spirit. Overly focused on her faults, or what I perceive to be her faults. When Jesus said, “Do not judge,” that’s what he was talking about.  

Here's one more way we do this: Piling on. Early in the pandemic, there was a pro basketball player named Rudy Gobert, who was at a post-game interview. And he decided to mock the Covid warnings by intentionally touching all the microphones. And then two days later, he was diagnosed with the virus. Shortly after that, he publicly apologized and talked about how embarrassed he was for acting that way, and he hoped that others would learn from his mistake. It was amazing to see how people responded to his Instagram post. I’m sure there were thousands, but I just scanned the first few, and here’s what people said: Shame on you, idiot. Here’s another one: You are a piece of (expletive). Here’s another one: I hope Coronavirus kills you. Now, it’s one thing if a person does something wrong, and they remain defiant and unrepentant. But this was a case where he clearly owned his mistake. And people were ruthless. That’s what I mean by “piling on.” When someone messes up, and even after they’ve taken responsibility, and sometimes even when they’ve paid a costly price for their actions, people seem to take pleasure in continuing to publicly beat someone up. Sort of a mob mentality. When Jesus said, “Do not judge,” that’s what he was talking about. 

John Burke is an author who assumed he was not a judgmental person. But he tried an experiment where he kept track of his judgments for one week. Here’s what he wrote: 

In any given week, I might condemn my son numerous times for a messy room; judge my daughter for being moody—which especially bothers me when I’m being moody (but I have good reason)…even my dog gets the hammer of condemnation for his bad breath… I watch the news and condemn those “idiotic people” who do such things. Most reality TV shows are full of people I can judge as sinful, ignorant, stupid, arrogant, or childish. I get in my car…and find a host of inept drivers who should have flunked their driving test—and I throw in a little condemnation of our Department of Public Safety for good measure! …We’re great at judging the world around us by standards we would highly resent being held to! Judging makes us feel good because it puts us in a better light than others. 

See, Jesus wasn’t saying we should never make evaluations or judgments about people; we do that every day. He was talking about judgment that’s uncalled for. Like rushing to judgment; having a critical spirit; piling on. When we’re walking in God’s kingdom, and following Jesus as king, that’s not the way we treat people. Even during election season. Okay, but why not? Let’s talk about that… 

The Danger of Judging. Jesus points out two ways that judging people is dangerous. First, It bites us. Look again at verses one and two: 1 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. In other words, if we judge other people harshly, we ourselves will be judged harshly. Our lack of mercy will come back to bite us.  

Sometimes that harsh judgment comes back to us from other people. Remember a few years ago, when Kobe Bryant and his daughter died in a helicopter crash? There was a High School principle in Washington who decided to send out a tweet. Her tweet said this: “Not gonna lie. Seems to me that karma caught up with a rapist today.” She was referring to an incident, seventeen years ago, when Bryant was accused of rape (and that case was settle out of court). And so her tweet was basically saying he got what he deserved. At a time of unspeakable tragedy for Kobe Bryant’s family, she chose to express an extremely harsh judgment. And it came back to bite her. The outcry from the community was so strong, that she was forced to resign from her position. So if you become known as someone who judges harshly, the people around you will be more likely to judge you harshly. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged. 

But ultimately, our harsh judgments will come back to bite us in a more eternal way. James 2:13 says …judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. This is a scary thought. If I am a self-righteous, unmerciful, critic—if that’s how I evaluate and treat people, it reveals something about my heart. It reveals that I don’t know God’s grace. Because if I did, I would never treat other people like that. So when it comes time for my judgment—and I stand before God—I will hear the words, “Depart from me. I never knew you!” So instead of receiving grace, I’ll be judged just as harshly as I judged everyone else. That’s a chilling thought. Being a judgmental person comes back to bite us. 

Not only that; It blinds us. Look at verses 3 and 4: 3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? Anyone who says Jesus doesn’t have a sense of humor hasn’t read this. Imagine someone with this 6-foot 2X4 jammed into their eye, and they come up to you and they say, “Hey, I couldn’t help but notice that little piece of sawdust in your eye. Hold still while I get it out for you.” And meanwhile their board is swinging back and forth, knocking over framed pictures and flower pots and coffee mugs…and they can’t see a thing. 

Focusing on the faults of others blinds us to our own faults. Why is that? Social scientists call it having “bias blind spots.” Bias blind spots. And here’s the explanation: the way we evaluate other people and the way we evaluate ourselves is totally different. For example: if I drive crazy through traffic, it’s because…I’m late for an important meeting—so there’s a good reason I’m driving that way. And by the way, I hardly ever do it—so it’s not the normal way I drive. That’s how I assess myself. If I see someone else driving crazy through traffic, there’s only one explanation. That guy’s an idiot. Right? So when it comes to my faults, I have an elaborate way of explaining them away. When it comes to your faults, you’re just guilty.  

So researchers call it a bias blind spot; the Bible just calls it sin. The kind of sin that’s really bad for our relationships. If you’re married or in a relationship, this is toxic. If you’re in any relationship with any people, this is toxic. It is so easy to see the faults in that other person. But until we can see our own faults, our relationships are going to be a mess. 

So…being a judgmental person is really dangerous. It comes back to bite us—both in this life and in eternity. And it blinds us to our own faults, which causes chaos in our relationships. And therefore, we should never judge! Right? Right. Except…those times when we should. What? 

Let’s talk about The Good Kind of Judging. It’s right in verse 5: You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then—listen—you will see clearly (to do what?) to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. Ah—so there is a time to make a judgment—to make an evaluation—to point out that there is actually something in my brother’s eye. And there is a time for me to help my brother remove that thing from his eye. That’s the kind of judging that’s actually good and loving and essential to a healthy relationship. 

Somebody tell me the trade that Jesus learned from his dad? Carpentry. Do you think Jesus ever had an actual splinter in his eye? Of course! I’m pretty sure they didn’t sell safety goggles at the Nazareth Home Depot. So Jesus was drawing this analogy from life experience, and most of us have experienced it too. And here’s what I can tell you: if I have something in my eye, and there’s no mirror around, and I need help, if I’m going to let you do that, I’ve got to trust you. I need to know that you’re not going to poke me in the eye. I need to know that you’re going to be gentle and careful and patient…and that you truly have my best interest in mind. Because if I’m not convinced of all that, guess what? You ain’t going near my eye.  

So here’s what Jesus is saying: the only people who can be trusted to removed splinters from the eyes of others are the people who have recognized and dealt with the junk in their own eye. Let me say that one more time: the only people who can be trusted to removed splinters from the eyes of others are the people who have recognized and dealt with the junk in their own eye. 

So what does that mean spiritually? Well, there are times when I have a blind spot in my life. Some unhealthy habit; some harmful thing I’m doing—either to myself or others. And there have been times when another person has seen that in my life, and has pointed it out to me. And the way I respond depends on the person who’s pointing out my speck. Some of those people, I don’t let them come any closer. Why? I don’t trust them. And one of the main reasons I don’t trust them is that they have obvious planks in their own eyes that they refuse to deal with, which makes them hypocrites. So when I’m confronted by someone like that, I’m very hesitant to receive their critique.  

But there are some people I trust. Why? Because I know they love me. I know they’re not picking on me. And they are humbly aware of their own faults—they’ve dealt with all kinds of foreign matter in their own eyes. So when I’m confronted by one of those people, if I’m wise, I listen to them. And they help me to become better. I need those people in my life. And so do you. 

Many years ago, I had a good friend who was engaged to be married. And as the wedding date approached, several people around him were getting concerned. They saw the way his fiancée treated him—very controlling and manipulative. And they realized it would be a very unhealthy and unhappy marriage. But the guy didn’t seem to notice it—he was blissfully preparing for the wedding. So it got about three months out from the wedding, and it was the guy’s parents who decided they needed to say something. They knew it was a risk—because their son could get angry, and if he told his fiancée that his own parents were warning him to not marry her, and then he went through with the wedding, it could affect that relationship forever. But his parents knew him well, and they loved him, so they took the risk. In a humble, gentle way, they pointed out the splinter in his eye. And he listened. And he realized they were right. So the following week, he walked into his fiancée’s apartment, where she was actually writing out the wedding invitations, and he said, “You are the splinter in my eye.” No, he said, “We need to talk.” And he broke the engagement. And of course she was devastated, but she got over it. It’s one of the best decisions that guy ever made. He is now happily married to someone else, and eternally grateful that someone loved him enough to point out the splinter in his eye. 

There are some people that need me to play that role in their life. In fact, if I don’t play that role, I’m not really loving them! If I notice you’re taking prescription pain pills all the time. If I see that you’re spending every waking moment at the office and at the gym, and you’re hardly ever home with your family. If you’re a married man, and I see you spending a lot of time with another woman. Something’s just off in your life. If I care about you I will say something. And I’ll hopefully do it humbly, and recognizing that I’m far from perfect…but I’ll do it. So that’s not “judging” in the way we normally think of it. But it’s speaking the truth in love, even though it might be a little awkward or risky, because you truly care about someone.  

You know our natural reflex when someone reaches toward our eye, right? (Flinch and shut eyes). That’s our spiritual reflex, too! “Don’t judge me!” But there should be a few people who you love enough that you’ll go there with them. And a few people you trust enough that you allow them to go there with you. 

John Chrysostom was a great church leader in the fourth century. Listen to what he said: “Correct your brother, not as a foe, nor as an adversary, exacting a penalty, but as a physician providing medicines. Yes, and even more, as a loving brother anxious to restore and rescue.” 

Or, Galatians 6:1 says it like this…Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Full awareness of our own sinfulness and weakness; gently helping to restore your brother or sister. Because you love them and you want what’s best for them. 

When we walk in the way of God’s kingdom, that’s the kind of community we can experience. That’s the kind of love that he wants us to have toward one another.  

But here’s the thing: if we’re going to live out this kind of deep community, we need help. We need supernatural help. And there is a force that, I believe, better than anything else in the world, helps us to live this out. It’s called the gospel. Here’s what I mean: 

The gospel tells me I am a deeply imperfect person—so I know I have all kinds of specks, and even some planks in my eyes. Even the Apostle Paul said, “I’m the chief of sinners,” because he saw his own darkness so clearly. So the gospel is very humbling. And if I walk through life with that understanding, I’m not going to jump all over you whenever you mess up. I’m not going to rush to judgment, or have a critical spirit, or pile on—because the gospel has humbled my heart.  

At the same time, the gospel tells me that I am deeply loved—so much so, that Jesus went to the cross for me, to forgive my sins. So because of Christ, I have permanent status as a child of God. So the same gospel that humbles me also gives me confidence. And therefore, if you point out some destructive blind spot in my life, it doesn’t threaten me. I’m able to receive your words. I don’t attack you for speaking up. The gospel actually makes it safe to have those conversations. 

Do you see how powerful the gospel is? When the gospel becomes the lens that we look at life through, it makes us humble and vulnerable and confident at the same time. The gospel is so good for our relationships! And that’s important all year long, but especially during election season. 

This coming week is going to be a really interesting week in our country. And you’re going to have some unique opportunities to judge other people harshly. If your chosen candidate wins, you’re going to be tempted to be self-righteous and condescending toward the people who voted for the other person: “I told you so!” If your chosen candidate doesn’t win, you’re going to be tempted to demonize and condemn everyone who voted for the other person: “It’s all your fault!” And as your pastor, I’m urging you to resist that temptation. No matter who wins on Tuesday, be slow to judge and be quick to acknowledge the logs in your own eye. And no matter who wins on Tuesday, never forget that Jesus Christ is on his throne, and our God is in the business of working all things for good for those who love him. So keep seeking him first.