Self-Control
Use the material to go deeper into this Series on your own, or with your small group.
Series Materials
Sermon Questions
Good morning Chapel family. Happy Thanksgiving week; really looking forward to gathering on Thanksgiving Eve this Wednesday—I hope you can join us—I think it’s going to be a really special gathering.
So we’ve been taking this entire fall to walk through the famous New Testament teaching on the fruit of the Spirit. And I have to say, it’s been so encouraging to hear how God has been using this series to stretch you and make you more like Jesus. So thank you for sharing those stories; thank you, small group leaders and student ministry leaders, and Chapel Kids leaders for the great job you’re doing in leading our church family in this study. It’s just been a really good fall season.
So…8 weeks ago, we started this series by reading the main, anchor passage from Galatians 5. Today, as we wrap up the series, I’m going to read that same passage. Galatians 5, starting in verse 16. I invite you now to hear the Word of God…
16 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. This is the Word of the Lord.
So: two basic ways we can live our lives. We can be driven by the flesh, which comes out as hatred and anger and envy, and all those ugly things. Or we can be led by the Holy Spirit, which shows up as love, joy, peace, and all those beautiful things. Unfortunately, our default mode—what comes naturally—is to live by the flesh. So if we want to overcome that and live that beautiful kind of life, we’re going to need supernatural help. In other words, like we’ve said every week:
The pull of sin is strong But the living Christ is stronger So open yourself to his Spirit And you will bear his fruit
So today we come to the 9th and final fruit of the Spirit, which is self-control. In week number one, we said that when you look at the list of the fruit of the Spirit, the order is not random. There’s a reason the first thing on the list is love. And here’s what I want to say today: there’s a reason why the last thing on the list is self-control. Because it ties everything together…and without it, everything falls apart. For example, if you’re a young father, and you say, “I love my kids,” but you don’t have the sdlf-control to stop working at a decent hour, so you come home at 9:00 every night, so the kids are in bed
and you hardly ever see them…your love is nothing more than good-intentions. So self-control is like the active ingredient that either activates or blocks all the other fruits. Self-control really is that important.
So today, let’s explore three things about self-control. Actually three questions: Why Do We Need It, What if We Lack It, and How Do We Get It? Alright? 3 questions about self-control: why do we need it, what if we lack it, and how do we get it?
So, first: Why Do We Need It? Why is this so important? Well, because of Galatians 5:17. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. For example, let’s imagine three scenarios.
It’s 9:30 at night, and you walk through your kitchen. And sitting on the counter, or in the fridge, or in the freezer is…you fill in the blank with that food that calls your name. For me it’s some kind of ice cream with chunks of chocolate and fudge and caramel in it. Anybody with me on that? That’s my kryptonite. It’s totally different for Norma Jean—her weakness is salty stuff like popcorn or chips. Maybe for you it’s that box of Coco Puffs that’s supposedly for the kids. Now, there’s nothing inherently sinful about any of those things, but let’s say you already had a big dinner and you definitely don’t need any more food before bed, and you’re trying to get in better shape. So you walk through the kitchen, and that food you love just calls out to you. Is anybody relating to this? So there’s this moment of crisis where the flesh is calling you one way and the Holy Spirit is calling you the other way, and you really could go either way. That’s why you need self-control.
Second scenario: you get home from work, and you’re tired. It was not a great day. And somebody in your home does something that really annoys you. Your husband left a disaster in the kitchen. Or one of your kids brought home a low test score, and it’s so disappointing. Or you are the kid who brought home a low test score, and instead of offering to help you do better, your mom insults you and asks why you can’t be more like your older sister, who’s in the National Honor Society. So somebody in your home just annoys you. And you feel the anger rising up in you, and everything in you wants to lash out—you want to make that other person feel as bad as they made you feel. And you know it would make thing worse, but it would feel so good just to say it. So there’s this moment of crisis where the flesh is calling you one way and the Holy Spirit is calling you the other way, and you really could go either way. That’s why you need self-control.
The third scenario takes place with just you and your cell phone. You’re supposed to be working. But before you get started, or again, I’ll speak for myself—before I get started, let me just check my email. And my texts. And my Instagram. And my Facebook. And the sports scores. And the news. And that’s all fine. Except when I put it down, and I dive into my work. And then about 10 minutes later, I hear that little buzz—a new message came in. And I check that message. And while I’m at it, I check my Facebook, and my Instagram, and real quick look at the news headlines. Am I the only one? Guys, we have a world of distraction right in our pockets. But it’s not just distraction; maybe it’s temptation to look at porn; maybe it’s temptation to place an online gambling bet. So, simply because we have smart phones, every day includes moments when the flesh is calling you one way, and the Spirit is calling you the other way, and you really could go either way. That’s why you need self-control.
How about you? What are those areas of your life when the flesh and the Spirit are at odds with each other, and you have to make a choice? Some of those decisions are relatively small, but some of them are big, and they set the direction of our lives. And you know what makes it even harder? It’s not just our own flesh—our own sinful nature—trying to pull us down. Look at 1 Peter 5:8… Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to
devour. There’s a real spiritual enemy who is looking to bring you down, and he knows your weak points. And therefore, look what Peter says: you need self-control.
Self-control is truly one of the most valuable things we can develop. And I believe the reason it’s the last thing on the list is because if we don’t have self-control, none of the other things on the list are possible. And that leads right into our second point…
What If We Lack It? What happens to our lives if we never develop self-control? Look at Proverbs 25, verse 28:
Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.
In the ancient world, having a strong wall around your city was everything. It meant you could sleep at night, knowing invaders couldn’t get in. But if there was a breech in your wall, attackers would come in; you would be robbed; things would begin to fall apart. And Proverbs says it’s the same for people with no self-control. If you always do what feels good at the time, you are opening up your life for disaster. Let me point out three areas of life where lack of self-control will make us fall apart…
First, it does financial damage. Look at Proverbs 23:20…
20 Do not join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat, 21 for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags.
Anything wrong with having some wine and some meat? No—unless you’re an alcoholic or a vegetarian, there’s nothing wrong with it. The problem is…what? Too much wine, and gorging yourself on meat. Over time, living like that will interfere with your ability to work and make money. Or you’ll spend so much on your habit—you’ll max out your credit cards to keep having those lavish gourmet experiences, and you’ll always feel that crush of debt. And it’s not just food and wine; when we lack the self-control to study in school, or work hard at our job, we’re much more likely to suffer financially. It’s just the way life works.
Secondly, lack of self-control causes health damage. If you don’t know when to stop eating meat or drinking wine or staying up to watch another episode of your series, you will feel terrible and your health will suffer. Let me give you a very recent example: about four years ago, my dentist took some X-rays and found little fractures in some of my molars, which means I’m probably grinding and clenching my teeth at night. He recommended wearing a night guard while I sleep, so I got one made and I started wearing it. But I hated it—it was just a pain. So, instead of having the self-control to get used to it, I did what was easiest: I stopped. That was four years ago. Last week, I had so much pain in one of my molars, that I went to the dentist; turns out the tooth was cracked in half, so I had to get it pulled, and now I’m in the long process of getting an implant. It would have been much easier to just wear the night guard. In so many ways, lack of self-control damages our health.
And then third, it causes relational damage. When you lose control and lash out in anger at that annoying family member, that relationship takes a hit, doesn’t it? When you lack the self-control to avoid porn, it damages your relationship with actual people who aren’t on screens. When you lack self-control around alcohol, it pushes you away from the relationships that matter to you. In countless, lack of self-control hurts our relationships with people.
So…financial damage; health damage; relational damage. We could build on that list, but you get the point: Lacking self-control really is like a city with its walls all broken down. It opens us up to all kinds of damage. Of course, the converse is also true: when we do have self-control, our walls are intact, and good things start to happen.
Years ago, I watched an episode of 20/20, where they were conducting an experiment at a nursery school. Maybe you’ve seen this: they had a child sit by himself or herself in a room. And on a table in front of them, there were two pieces of candy. They told the child that if they could wait ten minutes, they would be given five pieces of candy. If they couldn’t wait, they could just take the two pieces. Pretty good deal—right? You wait ten minutes, and you get a lot of extra candy.
So the teacher left the room, and you should’ve seen these kids struggle. They had hidden cameras, and over the ten minutes these kids fidgeted and squirmed. Some kids touched the candy…one boy kept counting it—like, just reminding himself that five is really more than two. One girl looked up—like she was praying for strength. When it was over seven of the nine kids made it—they lasted the ten minutes and got their reward.
Then, the 20/20 people explained that this was actually a re-creation a study that was done about 50 years ago at Columbia University. When Columbia did it, they used a larger group of kids, and they used marshmallows: you could have one marshmallow now, or if you waited you would get two. And then—here’s where it gets interesting—they actually tracked those kids over the next twenty years or so. And what they found out was amazing. The kids who had self-control—who waited for the two marshmallows, had higher SAT scores, the boys had fewer run-ins with the law, the girls were less likely to get pregnant outside of marriage, they had less drug and alcohol problems, less gambling problems, they managed their money better…basically, they did better in life! The doctor who conducted the study said, “If we’re concerned about raising children to be successful and healthy and happy, forget about self-esteem. Concentrate on self-control.”
Self-control really is that important. So let me just pause for a moment and allow you to reflect. Is there a place in your life where your lack of self-control is starting to hurt your finances or your relationships or your body? What is the Holy Spirit whispering to your heart? See, at its core, this is a spiritual issue. And the good news is, there’s a powerful, spiritual solution.
Point number 3: How Do We Get It? How do we get self-control? I’m so glad we’re closing the series with this, because what I’m about to share with you applies not only to self-control; it actually applies to all 9 fruits of the Spirit.
Let me start with a story. Five years ago, for the first time in either of our lives, Norma Jean and I went to Paris to celebrate her 50th birthday. And we signed up for a tour of the city, but it wasn’t just any tour; it was an e-bike tour, as in electric bikes. Neither of us had ever ridden an electric bike. So we were all assigned bikes. And these were pedal-assist bikes, which means you can’t just sit there and push a throttle. You have to start pedaling, and the motor assists you. So I remember getting on the bike; it felt kind of heavy and clunky because of the motor. I started pedaling, and instantly I heard this low hum as the motor kicked in. It was an amazing feeling—almost like when you’re a little kid learning to ride a two-wheeler, and your dad runs behind you and pushes you from the back of your seat. It was like some invisible dad running behind me, pushing me along. Now, if I stopped pedaling, the bike stopped; but if I just kept pedaling, the power was there. So for the next four hours or so, we glided through the cobblestone streets of Paris on our electric bikes. It was raining; it was romantic; it was an amazing experience.
So I want you to keep that story in mind, and let’s talk about how we get self-control, or any of the other fruits of the Spirit. And I want to put this under two headings: God’s part and our part.
So, first: let’s talk about God’s part. Three key New Testament passages. The first one is 1 Corinthians 10:13—listen: No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. Do you hear what God is promising? Whether you’re tempted to binge on that junk food, or vent your anger toward that family member, or use your cell phone for destructive things—whatever the temptation is, God will always provide a way out so you don’t have to give in to the temptation. God is faithful. He never traps you in an unwinnable situation. He’s always faithful to provide a way out.
Second passage: Titus 2:11-12. Listen: 11 For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. 12 It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age. What is it that teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and lived with self-control? The grace of God. The grace of God. Not the anger of God, or the justice of God. It’s God’s goodness and undeserved favor toward us—his grace—that gives us self-control. So if you view God as primarily harsh and angry, you will struggle with self-control more. When you’re overwhelmed by God’s amazing grace, you become so grateful that you want to honor God by choosing the right thing.
So we need to know about God’s faithfulness, God’s grace, and here’s the third passage: Ephesians 5:18. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. So here’s a common self-control issue: do I reach for another drink to the point of drunkenness? That’s the temptation. And it says the way you avoid that is to be filled with the Holy Spirit. So instead of being filled with wine, be filled with the Spirit. Instead of letting the beer control you, allow the Holy Spirit to control you. Instead of depending on alcohol to make you relaxed and confident, allow the Holy Spirit to make you more deeply relaxed and confident, without the hangover. There are lots of parallels. But the point is: God is offering his power, if we’re willing to receive it.
So, are you with me? God’s part is to always provide a way out of temptation; to motivate us with his grace, and to fill us with the Holy Spirit. That’s the power; that’s the energy; that’s the motor. But don’t forget how the pedal-assist bike works! You don’t actually experience any of the power until you start...what? Pedaling! You have to pedal!
So…what does the pedaling represent? What is Our part? Just one thing: obey. Just choose to obey God. When the double-fudge caramel brownie ice cream is calling your name, and you know binging would dishonor your body, but you really want some, and the flesh desires what’s contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what’s contrary to the flesh, all you have to do is choose. It’s an act of faith; it’s an act of trusting God. And here’s what I’m saying: when you choose to obey—when you start pedaling—you will find the Spirit of God entering in and empowering you to follow through on that decision. Does that make sense? Just choose obedience, and God’s help will rush in.
When that family member annoys you, choose to return a blessing for a curse. And you’ll feel the power of God rush in and empower you to love that person. But you have to choose. When your cell phone is calling out to waste your day or do something stupid, choose to put it on the other side of the room, and God’s Spirit will empower you to keep it there so you can focus on what’s important.
It all starts when you make that simple choice to obey God. Last week we talked about the yoke of Jesus. Jesus says, “Step into the yoke with me—two openings—you go in one side, and I’ll go in the other side. And let’s walk along together.” Last week, one of the guys in my men’s group said, “Did
you notice, Jesus didn’t say, ‘Climb on my back. I’ll carry you.’ He said, ‘Get into the yoke with me. I’ll walk alongside you. And with my power, you’ll be able to do things you never thought you could do.”
So that’s the invitation. Not just for self-control, but also for love and joy and peace and patience and kindness and goodness and faithfulness and gentleness. This is how you do it: step into the yoke with Jesus. Start pedaling the bike. Just start choosing the right thing—and you will be amazed at how the Holy Spirit fills you and empowers you and begins to develop his fruit in your life.
You know, sometimes we get deceived into thinking that walking with God is so hard. Like, it’s just a grind, and it’s exhausting, and we just need to hold on and tough it out until heaven. And yes—at times, following Jesus can be hard. But you know what I’ve found? When you’re empowered by the Holy Spirit, it is a joy. It’s energizing. After four hours riding through the streets of Paris, we actually weren’t tired! Why? Because we were being carried by a power greater than ourselves. And that’s what Jesus wants to do in you. His yoke his easy and his burden is light, and his Spirit is so powerful.
So I’m going to say it one last time—in fact, let’s say this together as we close our series:
The pull of sin is strong But the living Christ is stronger So open yourself to his Spirit And you will bear his fruit.
Let’s prepare our hearts for communion.